Things Dad has Said

My Dad is normally an actions-speak-louder-than-words type, but he’s given his share of advice. For Fathers Day, my brothers and I compiled a list of quotes from our Dad. Thanks to him we’ve learned life skills, tried new things, built character, and arrived at adulthood with all limbs intact. Happy Fathers Day, Dad!

Angle the chainsaw away from your leg.

Go apologize to your mother right now.

Never make your boss look bad.

You don’t need to go to the Emergency Room – I can fix that.

Good job.

Thank your mother for dinner.

Fat chance, kiddo.

Next time, don’t release the clutch until I tell you to.

Casinos are a tax on people who can’t do math. Don’t go.

Squeeeeeezzeee the trigger.

Don’t be lukewarm. [Rev. 3:16]

A ripple on the surface means a rock underwater. Paddle your canoe around it.

I love you.

Study hard and stay off the hard stuff.

No whining.

Go ask your mother.

Use your compass to line up the next landmark before reaching the first.

Next time [_____] hits you, hit back.

Those shredded trunks mean bears are hunting for grubs.

You don’t have to run faster than the bear, just faster than the slowest hiker.

Read the fine print.

Just make sure she has a good time. [Advice for a first date. Result: engagement, marriage, and a grandson]

Lower the mower deck on the curb side.

What did you do that for?

Behave.

So this grapefruit is the sun, and this apple is the earth…

Watch out for moose.

We wouldn’t let you do this if we didn’t think you were capable of it. You’ll be fine.

Make sure the wires are dead before you start any electrical work.

Do your research.

Chew with your mouth closed.

Go to bed.

Get up.

There should be no jerk when you stop or start a car. Make it perfectly smooth.

This is pi. It’s shaped like a little house. [geometry for 7 year olds]

Never discuss test scores or grades with others.

Thank you.

Don’t stay up past 2 a.m. or drink coffee in college.

Never tell someone how much money you have or ask how much they have.

Gentlemen don’t go to “Gentlemen’s Clubs”

Accelerate out of a turn.

I had nothing else to read, so I read the Bible for two days and it made sense.

Where do you think you’re going?

You’re late.

You’re welcome.

Don’t leave food out and reheat it day after day. You’ll get food poisoning.

Don’t rush.

Hurry up.

When you’re in a situation like that, just remember “somebody has to be the adult here.”

Stop doing that. You’re getting footprints on the ceiling.

That’s a granny corner! Turn the wheel hand over hand or people will laugh at you.

Yes, I’m sure there’s no secret passage in your closet.

Don’t fall off the roof.

Just because you saw it on the internet doesn’t mean it’s a good idea.

Ow-ow-ow-awwoooooooooooOOOO [Dad, in the dark, after his terrified-of-wolves child had climbed into bed]

You represent our family.

Give people a firm handshake.

Punch with your body, not your arm.

Don’t get into conversations with men on airplanes.

Math first. The harder you work at math, the easier it will get.

Don’t hold your knife like that…………I told you so.

Let’s research coyotes.

Congratulations. Your mother and I are proud of you.

Stay low when you get into a canoe.

It doesn’t matter if you’re right if I can’t read what you’ve written.

Don’t grab someone who’s being electricuted. Knock them out of the way.

Finish your chores andthenwe’ll talk about it.

Biology is for people who like science but can’t do math.

….and then I dropped an M80 off the treefort.

Why did you do that?

Don’t shuffle your skis – slide them.

Thank you.

That’s not good enough. Do it again, well.

Nice try, buster.

Photo credit to my middle brother during a family camping trip on the Upper Peninsula of Michigan. Up da’ in duh Yooperlan’. For last year’s Fathers Day post, go here.

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