The oral surgeon removed my wisdom teeth on Friday. This is me, right now. For some odd reason only the left side swelled up, so it’s more like I tucked a big quid of Skoal in one cheek. Or, realistically? An entire baseball. Impressions:
- Pushing IV sedation is such a scam. Our insurance only covered local anesthetic, and it was more than enough. A quick numbing gel, several Novocaine shots, then zoning out for twenty painless minutes while they chisel and slice. It helps that my brothers and I were born with only two or three wisdom teeth apiece. Go genetics! With the Man still in Afghanistan, it was nice not having to deal with the groggy post-sedation aftermath while home alone.
- Ever tried to speak clearly through a Novocained mouthful of gauze and blood? The pharmacist asked me to repeat my name and date of birth three times and spell it twice. All I could think of was standing in play practice as a kid while the directors kept demanding “Enunciate. E-NUN-ciate!!!“
- I’ve had stitches and been to the ER plenty of times, but this was the first time someone medical’s taken a cut at me since they snipped my umbilical cord. All attempts to find a deeply philosophical life parallel have failed. *dramatic sigh*
- For the first time in my life I’m being encouraged to eat as much delicious creamy chocolate ice cream as possible. What do I end up craving instead? Bacon. Thick rich slices of crispy bacon, layered with luscious juicy tomatoes, fresh lettuce, warm melting mayonnaise, and toasty sourdough bread.
- Wow, that’s a lot of blood. Lots and lots of blood. The downstairs bathroom looked like a crime scene. Too much information?
- Lortab (same thing as Vicodin: hydrocodone + acetaminophen) doesn’t seem to affect me pain-wise, but it sure makes me sleepy. Thankfully nothing hurt much after the first evening(certainly less than the jaw device and braces I got as a teenager) and ibuprofen is sufficient.
- My jaw is very very stiff, like the aftermath of a hard punch to the side of the head. Yes, I’ve been punched in the side of the head many times – what do you think brothers are for? It’s slightly looser today, but yesterday I could only open my mouth a quarter of an inch, and couldn’t smile at all. The resulting deadpan poker face made everything I mumbled on Skype sound sarcastic, cranky, or both. Do you know how hard it is to communicate with your spouse when every positive comment sounds snide?
- A weekend with exercise and action forbidden + Netflix live streaming = Lost Season 1 completed, Lost Season 2 going down. The only problem was typing “netflix.com” while drugged. It took three tries.
- Our church friends are lovely people, eager and quick to help.
Photo source here