None the Wiser

The oral surgeon removed my wisdom teeth on Friday. This is me, right now. For some odd reason only the left side swelled up, so it’s more like I tucked a big quid of Skoal in one cheek. Or, realistically? An entire baseball. Impressions:

  • Pushing IV sedation is such a scam. Our insurance only covered local anesthetic, and it was more than enough. A quick numbing gel, several Novocaine shots, then zoning out for twenty painless minutes while they chisel and slice. It helps that my brothers and I were born with only two or three wisdom teeth apiece. Go genetics! With the Man still in Afghanistan, it was nice not having to deal with the groggy post-sedation aftermath while home alone.
  • Ever tried to speak clearly through a Novocained mouthful of gauze and blood? The pharmacist asked me to repeat my name and date of birth three times and spell it twice. All I could think of was standing in play practice as a kid while the directors kept demanding “Enunciate. E-NUN-ciate!!!
  • I’ve had stitches and been to the ER plenty of times, but this was the first time someone medical’s taken a cut at me since they snipped my umbilical cord. All attempts to find a deeply philosophical life parallel have failed. *dramatic sigh*
  • For the first time in my life I’m being encouraged to eat as much delicious creamy chocolate ice cream as possible. What do I end up craving instead? Bacon. Thick rich slices of crispy bacon, layered with luscious juicy tomatoes, fresh lettuce, warm melting mayonnaise, and toasty sourdough bread.
  • Wow, that’s a lot of blood. Lots and lots of blood. The downstairs bathroom looked like a crime scene. Too much information?
  • Lortab (same thing as Vicodin: hydrocodone + acetaminophen) doesn’t seem to affect me pain-wise, but it sure makes me sleepy. Thankfully nothing hurt much after the first evening(certainly less than the jaw device and braces I got as a teenager) and ibuprofen is sufficient.
  • My jaw is very very stiff, like the aftermath of a hard punch to the side of the head. Yes, I’ve been punched in the side of the head many times – what do you think brothers are for? It’s slightly looser today, but yesterday I could only open my mouth a quarter of an inch, and couldn’t smile at all. The resulting deadpan poker face made everything I mumbled on Skype sound sarcastic, cranky, or both. Do you know how hard it is to communicate with your spouse when every positive comment sounds snide?
  • A weekend with exercise and action forbidden + Netflix live streaming = Lost Season 1 completed, Lost Season 2 going down. The only problem was typing “netflix.com” while drugged. It took three tries.
  • Our church friends are lovely people, eager and quick to help.

Photo source here

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8 thoughts on “None the Wiser

    • Ironic since he’s a doc, too. I actually wanted to hold off until he was home, but the dentist said they needed to come out as soon as possible. Probably just as well…I tend to do that wounded animal “go away, stop fussing, just let me crawl off into the forest and die in peace” thing when I’m sick.

  1. Pingback: Seek and ye shall find « Yellow Pencil Stub

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